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GoQuincy - Second break-in suspect identified - Quincy, IL News - QuincyJournal.com
Hope he enjoyed the last 4 days of freedom because that is the last he will have for quite sometime! He will still be looking over his shoulder.
CoolEdge - Illinois gets below-normal rain and temperatures - Quincy, IL News - QuincyJournal.com
Funny, I always hear the global warming nuts claim a hot day is from global warming. Of course, a one degree change over 100 years is not noticeable by anyone. But there may not really be any warming, since the urban heat island effect was not well accounted for. And Al Gore isn't a guy doing, you know, science. He is a politician now activist that had his net worth go from $2 million to over…
gothamtroll - Second break-in suspect identified - Quincy, IL News - QuincyJournal.com
Well he certainly covered some ground unlike his partner. I would certainly love to commend both the Marshals and local authorities on well conducted communications in an expedited effort to capture Kelly despite him quickly heading south eastward.
WarCry - Burlington, IA considering requirement for toy gun cases - Quincy, IL News - QuincyJournal.com
It's a cascading problem. Starting in the late 70s, early 80s, hunting became less and less. Parents stopped teaching their kids about firearms and gun safety, and the world because more suburban. Now those kids are adults and the only thing they know about guns is what they get in movies. And so they teach their kids that guns are bad, and the problem worsens. It's not any one thing causing…
gothamtroll - Burlington, IA considering requirement for toy gun cases - Quincy, IL News - QuincyJournal.com
Well I'm certainly glad I've long since lost/misplaced my childhood super soakers and cap gun. I'd hate to think I could potentially be punished by law for having had those 'out in the yard'. Yet again, policy makers grasping for straws. What next? My metallic painted handcuffs that have a release switch on the side? Are they going to deem my having those as impersonating…

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Editorials & Opinion

Strawman: Some Call It Red Ass.....Others Call It Obamabutt

5 months, 3 weeks ago by Strawman

 

The doctor entered the room and found a middle aged man sitting on the examination table.  The patient was attired in a hospital gown and black socks.  His shoulders were slumped and he continued to shift side-to-side on the table.

“What seems to be the problem Mr, (and with that the doctor glanced at patient’s chart), Citizen?  Citizen, is that right?”

“That’s right, doctor”, the patient responded.  “I’m A. Joe Citizen.”

“My I ask what the A stands for?” the doctor inquired.

“Average”, said the patient.  “That’s me—just Average Joe Citizen."

“Well Mr. Citizen, what seems to be the problem?” asked the doctor.

And with that the patient stood up, pulled his gown up around his waist and pointed his naked, swollen, red backside at the doctor.

“It’s my butt,” said the patient.  “It hurts all the time to the point I can barely sit down.  And the flatulence is unbelievable,” he continued.  “No matter what I eat my farts smell like an old ashtray.”

“You can put your gown down now,” said the doctor as he made a few notes on his chart.  “How long has this been going on?”

“It started in January 2009……well, I first noticed it during the summer of 2008,” said the patient.  “At first my backside was just tender and the flatulence happened rarely.  But now it’s to the point that I can barely live with it.”

“This isn’t the first case I’ve seen,” said the doctor.  “And I don’t think it will be the last.”

“Really!!  Then you can do something about it?” asked the patient.

“No, I’m sorry I can’t,” said the doctor.  “You have case of Obamabutt.  And no one has found a cure.”

“Obamabutt??—what in the world is that?, the patient inquired.

“The condition, which is at a near pandemic stage, occurs when the person listens to and believes in what the president is saying,” said the doctor.  “You did vote for Obama, right?”

“Well, yes,” said the patient.  “How did you know?”

“The ‘Obama in 2012’ t-shirt laying over there in the corner is a dead giveaway, plus you have the worse case of Obamabutt I’ve seen to date,” the doctor replied.

“Well, how do we treat it?” asked the patient. “My butt is red and swollen--my friends won’t share a confined space with me and I’m miserable!!”

“Friends?  You voted for Obama twice and you still have friends?”, asked the doctor.

“I guess you do have a point,” said the patient.

“Tell me something,” the doctor said.  “This is your first visit to my office---why me?  What happened to your family doctor?”

And with that the patient, A. Joe Citizen, grabbed both butt cheeks and cried out loudly. “Owww, it hurts!!!  Don’t mention my other doctor!!”

“Are you referring to—‘if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor?  Is that the doctor in question here?”

“Owww!!! Stop it!!! You’re making things worse!!!,” Joe cried out.

“Well then it looks like President Obama and I have something in common.  Making things worse and providing citizens a case of the red ass.  Yes, Mr. Obama and I do seem to have something in common........

 


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