Thursday, Mar 5, 2015
Quincy, IL News - QuincyJournal.com
Trending on the Journal

Recent Comments

convoy32 - US clears officer in Ferguson case, criticizes police force - Quincy, IL News - QuincyJournal.com
WTF! This is so stupid,mike brown deserves what he got period! I guess its OK to just disrespect the store owner,push him out of his way and TAKE what he wanted,he is right where he belongs,in the ground 6ft. under! Oh and his racist uncle says something don't add up well probably because he can't add since he didn't finish school ! DUMB BOY!
WmMunny - Holder: Ferguson police bias stoked distrust, hostility, \'toxic environment\' - Quincy, IL News - Q
As I've said before, people play stupid games and they win stupid prizes. Holder and his kind ...... race baiters and class envy whores.
lingard2 - New security measures at IL Department of Revenue will delay state tax refunds - Quincy, IL News - Q
Delaying the refunds, will give the State of Illinois that much more money to Rob Peter to pay Paul.. I just hope I get mky refund before everything explodesl. LOL
pjohnf - Obama to ban bullets by executive action, threatens top-selling AR-15 rifle - Quincy, IL News - Quin
Who do you think BATF takes its marching orders from, the tooth fairy?
pjohnf - Senate committee will propose taking $580 million from special accounts - Quincy, IL News - QuincyJo
Is this robbing Peter to pay Paul? Everybody knows government wastes billions of our tax dollars and cutting spending is the best solution but certainly spending our limited tax dollars wisely is a step in the right direction, $37 million for open space land purchases seems stupid with all the other things state government should be doing. The democrats will never give up control of spending because…

Most Popular

Obama to ban bullets by executive action, threatens top-selling AR-15 rifle

Quincy Steak n' Shake Closes

All aboard? State cuts could mean fewer Amtrak trains

Farha announces run for Adams County State's Attorney

Liberty woman wanted out West

League of Woman Voters Hosting Jail Event

Jay Nixon names longtime aide to temporarily replace Tom Schweich as Missouri Auditor

QPD make Child Porn arrest

Editorials & Opinion

Strawman: Some Call It Red Ass.....Others Call It Obamabutt

1 year, 1 month ago by Strawman

 

The doctor entered the room and found a middle aged man sitting on the examination table.  The patient was attired in a hospital gown and black socks.  His shoulders were slumped and he continued to shift side-to-side on the table.

“What seems to be the problem Mr, (and with that the doctor glanced at patient’s chart), Citizen?  Citizen, is that right?”

“That’s right, doctor”, the patient responded.  “I’m A. Joe Citizen.”

“My I ask what the A stands for?” the doctor inquired.

“Average”, said the patient.  “That’s me—just Average Joe Citizen."

“Well Mr. Citizen, what seems to be the problem?” asked the doctor.

And with that the patient stood up, pulled his gown up around his waist and pointed his naked, swollen, red backside at the doctor.

“It’s my butt,” said the patient.  “It hurts all the time to the point I can barely sit down.  And the flatulence is unbelievable,” he continued.  “No matter what I eat my farts smell like an old ashtray.”

“You can put your gown down now,” said the doctor as he made a few notes on his chart.  “How long has this been going on?”

“It started in January 2009……well, I first noticed it during the summer of 2008,” said the patient.  “At first my backside was just tender and the flatulence happened rarely.  But now it’s to the point that I can barely live with it.”

“This isn’t the first case I’ve seen,” said the doctor.  “And I don’t think it will be the last.”

“Really!!  Then you can do something about it?” asked the patient.

“No, I’m sorry I can’t,” said the doctor.  “You have case of Obamabutt.  And no one has found a cure.”

“Obamabutt??—what in the world is that?, the patient inquired.

“The condition, which is at a near pandemic stage, occurs when the person listens to and believes in what the president is saying,” said the doctor.  “You did vote for Obama, right?”

“Well, yes,” said the patient.  “How did you know?”

“The ‘Obama in 2012’ t-shirt laying over there in the corner is a dead giveaway, plus you have the worse case of Obamabutt I’ve seen to date,” the doctor replied.

“Well, how do we treat it?” asked the patient. “My butt is red and swollen--my friends won’t share a confined space with me and I’m miserable!!”

“Friends?  You voted for Obama twice and you still have friends?”, asked the doctor.

“I guess you do have a point,” said the patient.

“Tell me something,” the doctor said.  “This is your first visit to my office---why me?  What happened to your family doctor?”

And with that the patient, A. Joe Citizen, grabbed both butt cheeks and cried out loudly. “Owww, it hurts!!!  Don’t mention my other doctor!!”

“Are you referring to—‘if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor?  Is that the doctor in question here?”

“Owww!!! Stop it!!! You’re making things worse!!!,” Joe cried out.

“Well then it looks like President Obama and I have something in common.  Making things worse and providing citizens a case of the red ass.  Yes, Mr. Obama and I do seem to have something in common........

 


From the Newsroom

QuincyJournal on Twitter

QuincyJournal 12 hours, 29 minutes ago

Rauner renews call for union changes during Peoria visit http://t.co/gQmHvfKp5l
QuincyJournal on Twitter

QuincyJournal 12 hours, 29 minutes ago

Holder: Ferguson police bias stoked distrust, hostility, 'toxic environment' http://t.co/IiFgGi10nJ
QuincyJournal on Twitter

QuincyJournal 13 hours, 26 minutes ago

Patio re-opens - Restaurant closed since Dec fire http://t.co/bb80Ggji8t
QuincyJournal on Twitter

QuincyJournal 14 hours, 28 minutes ago

QPD make Child Porn arrest - Crime Stoppers tip led to arrest http://t.co/aBThriuL6I