Friday, Mar 27, 2015
Quincy, IL News - QuincyJournal.com
Trending on the Journal

Recent Comments

Sv3 - Schock says he leaves Congress with sadness, humility - Quincy, IL News - QuincyJournal.com
I'm sad I got caught...I'm demonstrating humility because of the embarrassment to my family.
migraine_in_qcy - Wagner and Griggs capture state title - Quincy, IL News - QuincyJournal.com
Often, financial support comes with a catch. If the team can manage to get by with fundraisers and donations, it's worth it to keep the school administration at bay.
migraine_in_qcy - Feds: Guardsman, cousin plotted to attack Illinois military base, fight for ISIS - Quincy, IL News -
The most ridiculous part of the article was when they said, "unity of the Islamic faith". It might just be me, but trying to kill all infidels doesn't seem very unifying.
1950Brutus - Schock says he leaves Congress with sadness, humility - Quincy, IL News - QuincyJournal.com
Nothing more pathetic than when an overbearing, obnoxious jerk finds humility. If he wants sympathy he can find it in the dictionary between sh** and syphilis
RUHEARINGVOICES - Schock says he leaves Congress with sadness, humility - Quincy, IL News - QuincyJournal.com
Next chapter...The Prison Years.

Most Popular

Quincy Meth Bust on N 10th

IDES Director Jeff Mays Confirmed by Illinois Senate

Tracy vs Sullivan in 2016?

Hannibal residents fight back

Moore on new Jail: “My support is as a taxpayer”

Dene Lambkin to Resign from JWCC Board of Trustees

Just looking around...

County clerks worried about special election for Schock seat

Editorials & Opinion

Strawman: Some Call It Red Ass.....Others Call It Obamabutt

1 year, 1 month ago by Strawman

 

The doctor entered the room and found a middle aged man sitting on the examination table.  The patient was attired in a hospital gown and black socks.  His shoulders were slumped and he continued to shift side-to-side on the table.

“What seems to be the problem Mr, (and with that the doctor glanced at patient’s chart), Citizen?  Citizen, is that right?”

“That’s right, doctor”, the patient responded.  “I’m A. Joe Citizen.”

“My I ask what the A stands for?” the doctor inquired.

“Average”, said the patient.  “That’s me—just Average Joe Citizen."

“Well Mr. Citizen, what seems to be the problem?” asked the doctor.

And with that the patient stood up, pulled his gown up around his waist and pointed his naked, swollen, red backside at the doctor.

“It’s my butt,” said the patient.  “It hurts all the time to the point I can barely sit down.  And the flatulence is unbelievable,” he continued.  “No matter what I eat my farts smell like an old ashtray.”

“You can put your gown down now,” said the doctor as he made a few notes on his chart.  “How long has this been going on?”

“It started in January 2009……well, I first noticed it during the summer of 2008,” said the patient.  “At first my backside was just tender and the flatulence happened rarely.  But now it’s to the point that I can barely live with it.”

“This isn’t the first case I’ve seen,” said the doctor.  “And I don’t think it will be the last.”

“Really!!  Then you can do something about it?” asked the patient.

“No, I’m sorry I can’t,” said the doctor.  “You have case of Obamabutt.  And no one has found a cure.”

“Obamabutt??—what in the world is that?, the patient inquired.

“The condition, which is at a near pandemic stage, occurs when the person listens to and believes in what the president is saying,” said the doctor.  “You did vote for Obama, right?”

“Well, yes,” said the patient.  “How did you know?”

“The ‘Obama in 2012’ t-shirt laying over there in the corner is a dead giveaway, plus you have the worse case of Obamabutt I’ve seen to date,” the doctor replied.

“Well, how do we treat it?” asked the patient. “My butt is red and swollen--my friends won’t share a confined space with me and I’m miserable!!”

“Friends?  You voted for Obama twice and you still have friends?”, asked the doctor.

“I guess you do have a point,” said the patient.

“Tell me something,” the doctor said.  “This is your first visit to my office---why me?  What happened to your family doctor?”

And with that the patient, A. Joe Citizen, grabbed both butt cheeks and cried out loudly. “Owww, it hurts!!!  Don’t mention my other doctor!!”

“Are you referring to—‘if you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor?  Is that the doctor in question here?”

“Owww!!! Stop it!!! You’re making things worse!!!,” Joe cried out.

“Well then it looks like President Obama and I have something in common.  Making things worse and providing citizens a case of the red ass.  Yes, Mr. Obama and I do seem to have something in common........

 


From the Newsroom

QuincyJournal on Twitter

QuincyJournal 1 hour, 44 minutes ago

Guthrie tied for 59th in Valero Texas Open - Shoots a 1 over par 73 on day 2 http://t.co/dqEAUgWYq0
QuincyJournal on Twitter

QuincyJournal 5 hours, 42 minutes ago

Apple CEO Tim Cook to donate his fortune http://t.co/6vGTJHX7xM
QuincyJournal on Twitter

QuincyJournal 5 hours, 42 minutes ago

Vatterott Career Fair at Quincy Mall http://t.co/AwnY5RRiWO
QuincyJournal on Twitter

QuincyJournal 6 hours, 44 minutes ago

A National Champion among us - There are sports that don't involve a ball and a net.. http://t.co/3MGM79gTEu