Strawman: The State of the Union
1 year, 4 months ago
Wouldn’t it be refreshing if Tuesday’s STATE OF THE UNION ADDRESS was, indeed, a real, true overview of this country—instead of the waste of time it’s been over the past 20 years or so? How would you react if (and this is a size 66 extra- long IF) the President delivered something like this:
“My friends for far too long we’ve lead the general public to believe that all is well, that we here in Washington are the solution—not the problem—that all you have to do is take two aspirins and forget to call anyone in the morning. Just go about your business and we’ll take care of you.
And we, the U.S. Government, have attempted to do just that. Now when you lose a job we’ll provide you with spending money for up to 99 weeks. So, take your time—and find something you really like to do. We, along with the states, have provided 47 million of you out there with food stamps so you can savor all the various flavors Doritos has to offer. We’ve bent over backwards to give you the opportunity to make walking to the mailbox to get your government check your main source of exercise. My friends here in Congress have exhausted themselves day in and day out to see to it that nothing gets in the way of the sweet deal they have here. Insider trading, healthcare for life, government pensions---our guys and gals here in the hall tonight have earned every penny of it---and you get to pick up the tab.
And then there’s the deficit: friends, we’ll be 16 trillion dollars upside down by this time next year if I have my way about it—and you know I will. Who here’s going to stop me? Even people as dumb as the average American citizen knows that you can’t spend 5 trillion and take in 2.6 trillion-but that’s what we’re doing—all while making you think we here in Washington give a damn . Cut government spending? That’s not going to happen on my watch and you can take that to the bank—if I haven’t had it closed already.
So, since Tuesday night is a pretty good TV night, and I’ve got a 10am tee time in Florida tomorrow—I’ll forgo the usual finger pointing and accusatory tone and cut to the chase.
America, you’re screwed. And until you replace everyone in this room—and most everyone at the state government level you will remain screwed—because that’s what you deserve. And when you get through replacing us—you better take a look at the judges we’ve put in place because they’re part of the problem too.
America—it’s time to put on your big-boy pants and go to work—cause we’ve done broken the piggy bank—spent all the money—and left the mess for your kids and grandkids to clean up.
Because friends—we’re smarter than you—and we prove it every day you keep us in office! “